This summer Alberto and I didn't take any grand vacations. We skipped out on both Minnesota and Sardinia (our vacation spots of choice/force) due to financial issues. Instead, I hopped up to Glasgow on a budget flight for 5 days to visit one of my best friends, Meike, who I met some 5 years ago or so while we were both living and working in Belgium. The other 10 days of my vacation were spent at home in Milan (Cinisello Balsamo, to be exact), hanging out on the balcony with Alberto and Nikita, reading books, doing some major house cleaning, throwing myself back into cooking and yoga and just plain relaxing. And I must say, it's been the best damn vacation I've had in years.
The past six months have been pretty hectic for us. I planned and executed a major event for an international conference at work all while planning and executing with Alberto the move into our new apartment and all the furniture and appliance buying that went along with it. Both of these events came to fruition in March. Then in May I was thrown into a new role at work. I single-handedly packed up my old office and moved across town to the main campus of the hospital where I found a nice cushy office and looks of surprise from the others that work there. The change was abrupt for everybody involved and I stepped into my new role with very little instruction. I quickly found that there was a whole lot of shit left over from my predecessor that needed to be cleaned up in a hurry and I did what any good Midwesterner would do, I grabbed my shovel and got to work. While I made a lot of important headway in the three and a half months before I broke for vacation, I also made a major realization. My new job is really F-in' stressful. It is so entirely rewarding at times but it is also so utterly stressful at others. I am the person who deals with all the problems and paperwork and bureaucracy of a major research institution, which is not an easy task to do in Italy, a country with so much red tape it makes the American DMV seem like paradise. Let's not even get into the fact that I do it all in a language which is not my own. But I must admit, I also get a nice new salary to match the responsibilities, lots of perks (new phone, iPad, dinners at Michelin star restaurants) and the recognition from my boss. It's a trade-off indeed, but I was admittedly unprepared for the depths of the trade.
Outside work my reflections of the year take on a bit darker tone. The economic and political climate in Italy is still amazingly dismal. These factors seep into our everyday lives. A non thorough understanding of the Italian tax system left me with a 2000 Euro debt to the Italian equivalent of the IRS which I am currently paying off. Alberto, still working freelance despite his best attempts to secure something more stable, goes through dry spells of work that leave him anxious and agitated. So many of our friends have been laid off, changed jobs or are so severely underpaid, and their moods reflect well their situations. Money seems to be everybody's gripe. Meanwhile, in politics, there is so much infighting and absolute absurdity centered around Berlusconi from his felony fraud conviction that nothing is getting done, nothing except racist remarks toward the country's first black congresswoman, it seems. As some protesters threw bananas at her at a recent event and another politician said something about her looking like an orangutan, I almost lost it, tears actually welled up at one point. How the hell am I living in such an ignorant and ridiculous place run by people that care nothing about entire generations of un- or under-employed workers but spend all their energy trying to defend a thief and liar and launching cruel insults at a woman who is just trying to do her job?
With my work stress and my Italy-related stress coming to a head, I needed a break this year, bad. I felt a bit like I was caught in a thunderstorm without an umbrella or cute wellies to make puddle stomping fun. I was just drenched, and tired. Trying to weather all of this in a country that is not your own adds another layer of complexity. People here never really understand my perspective on things. I come from a different culture, a country with a different history, habits and work ethic. Yet people at home don't understand it either. Unless you've spent a significant amount of time living immersed in a different culture it is impossible to understand the difficulties one faces in a country that is not their own. I say this not as a complaint. I fully realize that living in Italy is a choice I made. Sometimes, however, even our best choices bring unexpected difficulties.
When I was young my mother often told me I would surely get an ulcer from all the worrying I do. I have always taken the world's weight on my shoulders, somehow feeling the need to take responsibility for all the wrong in the world, for the problems of everybody around me. And this year, with turmoil behind every corner of my life, with stressed out friends and coworkers, the weight was adding up quickly. Luckily, science has since countered the myth that stress leads to ulcers. But with a PhD in psychology, I know the other problems it can lead to, and I know I am particularly susceptible.
Ever the optimist, I boarded the plane for Glasgow feeling hopeful that I would find a bit of relief. I ran into the open arms of one of my best friends who knows me all too well and immediately took me to the best hamburger joint in town. We spent hours and hours talking, we shopped, we (she) did our nails, we celebrated her birthday. We planned a new project to work on together based on our shared love of science and well-being. She took me to two of her yoga classes. HOT yoga, holy shit. And... I came out of those 5 days feeling better than I ever had in the past 6 months.
Refreshed and rejuvenated, I spent the next week here at home organizing, mentally preparing myself for my reentry into the post-vacation world. I read books, I cleaned like it was spring, and organized my closet. I spent quality time with Alberto, talking, laughing, cuddling our cat. I kept a low-profile on Facebook and didn't spend a lot of time messaging my friends. I dove back into my lost love of cooking and I kept up the yoga practice at home, without the heat of course. Most importantly, I spent a lot of time implementing good habits and thinking about how I will structure my life once I'm back in the office, starting tomorrow, to deal with the stress in an efficient manner. I know that a lot of my stressors can't be avoided but the way in which I deal with them can definitely be altered, and I have full intentions to do so.
So, to put the resolutions in 21st century stone... these are a few of the steps I'm planning to take:
1) Yoga. The most tried and true natural way to make your parasympathetic nervous system more efficient at dealing with stress. Don't believe me? Read The Science of Yoga by William Broad.You will be surprised at some of the scientific findings. I promise myself to practice safely, recognizing my limits, but also to practice consistently (at least 3 times/week). It needs to become a priority in my life. I will visit a studio here in Milan before the end of the week to sign up for classes.
2) Reading. I have an innate thirst for knowledge on a range of diverse topics. I will read more often, searching for reliable sources of information and not falling prey to the media's interpretation of things.
3) Public transportation. Our car has been at the mechanic more often than not in the past 4 months yet our financial situation limits us from buying a new one. We will still keep it around for our beloved weekend trips to the lake and for practical conveniences like grocery shopping, but I will no longer drive to work. The hour commute to work via public transportation will now be my reading time. This will save a bit of money but, more importantly, it will save me the stress of Italian driving. Also, my driver's license expired on my birthday, August 22nd, and I'm going to leave it at that for now.
4) Dealing with social pressure. This is a big one for me here in Italy. Friends seem to think that it is their god-given right to see me every weekend. When you have friends from different social circles all pressuring you every weekend, it gets to be too much to juggle. I know it sounds cruel if I say that I don't want to see them all, all the time, but sometimes it just isn't meant to be and the pressure they put on me really stresses me out. I will practice saying no, turning down invitations, without feeling guilt. I will try to make my friends understand that a spending time at home, with my boyfriend, or with other friends, is something that I need to do every once in a while and is not a sign of a deteriorating friendship. If any of my Italian friends are reading this, I love you, I just can't commit to you the way other Italians may be able to. I am different, and that's something you need to learn to deal with. I have friends that I go years without seeing. They are some of the best friends in the world. If you can't spend a few weeks away from me without doubting our friendship, I can't make that my problem.
5) Negative talk. I will try not to engage, whether it be about work, colleagues, relationship problems or life in general. I will vent when I need to, to trusted sources, but will try not to cross lines into being cruel or blur the lines between my personal and professional life. This becomes difficult for me when I am stressed and just want to rant but hopefully the other points will help alleviate the stress.
6) Cooking. I will plan and execute healthy dinners at home as often as possible. Alberto is totally on board after too many grill-outs and meat and potato fests this summer. I've let the cooking slide in the past few months while being stressed. We will get back to eating more fresh produce with a better veggie/grain/legume/fish/meat balance.
Now, sitting on my balcony on my last day of vacation, with the sun shining and a cup of green tea, fresh banana walnut muffins to boot, I feel like I can take on the world. I know that the upcoming year will pose new challenges but I feel that the time spent reflecting has given me some insight on how to deal. I will focus on the positive in my life, my amazing partner, my rewarding career, my supportive friends and family. I'm incredibly thankful for these things. Just as I am, despite all my recent complaining about this country, incredibly thankful for the Italian habit of taking extended vacations in the month of August, a time that, if used properly, can work wonders for the human psyche.
 |
| my first selfie at the ripe old age of 33. Why is my face a different color than the rest of my body? Time for new foundation! |
